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Useful Information – Table Etiquette
If invited for a meal by a French family the following information may be useful to you:
Arrive on time, if delayed by more than 10 minutes then a telephone call is in order with an explanation and arrival time. (This can be slightly different in various Regions of France, the further south the more flexible). Paris is an exception to the rule.
You should always wait for the host to lead the way therefore, when the aperitif is served, wait for everyone to receive their drink and the host will then give a toast, after which “glass clink” before drinking, and do not start the meal until the host has said “bon appetit” and you all reply “sante”.
A French meal usually consists of 5 courses, a starter, main course, salad, cheese course, and dessert. Water and bread are made available throughout the meal. Wine is constantly offered so if you do not require a refill, then never empty your glass. The French always fill a glass to three-quarters, never to the brim.
Fold your salad onto your fork by using your knife. Do not cut your salad with a knife or fork. There usually are no bread plates. Put bread on the table next to your dinner plate above your fork.
To see how one cuts cheese – see our “Cheese page”
Always tear your bread into pieces before eating, never take the whole piece of bread and bite a piece off in your mouth, this is considered rude and impolite.
A piece of bread (usually on your fork) is taken at the end of each course and you wipe your plate clean with it, never use your hand. The same plate and cutlery are usually used for every course. Always finish what is on your plate. However, in a more formal setting, every course is served on a new plate, so cleaning the plate is not necessary.
It is customary to gently rest your hands on the table (not your elbows). (Do not place your hands in your lap, again this is considered rude)
Do not ask for a tour of your host's home, it is considered impolite.
(If the host offers orange juice or similar at the end of the meal, then that is a hint that its time to leave.)
Useful Information – French Customs
Should you wish to give flowers, never choose Chrysanthemums (given at funerals), Carnations (bad luck), Red Roses or any white flowers (Weddings). Although the younger generation are not so strict on this. Avoid giving Wine unless you are a connoisseur and can give the highest quality. An accepted gift is a pre-agreed desert or cheese dish.
Shaking hands upon greeting and parting is customary in France, (a light grip and a single quick shake) and man to woman, woman to woman, and woman to man by lightly kissing on the cheeks, it can be once on the left and once on the right, this can vary upon the region of France, (like Mayenne) it is repeated so “four times” – (left to right, right to left and repeat).
It is customary to say 'Bonjour' or 'Bonsoir' when entering a shop and 'Au Revoir' when leaving. Use the same greeting for neighbours adding Madame, Monsieur or Mademoiselle and their surname, only family and very close friends are greeted by the first name. Always wait until being invited to use someone’s first name.
The French gesture for "OK" is the "thumbs up" sign. “Zero” to the French is the round index finger touching tip of the thumb.
The French have a great respect for privacy. Knock and wait before entering into a room. Additionally, do not "arrive" unannounced. Always give notice before your arrival. Another point to remember is when greeting a neighbour or acquaintance, avoid asking how the wife or husband is, the French see this as an invasion of privacy, it is however, acceptable to ask how the “family” are.
When writing a letter, this is customary to end it with the sentence “Veuillez accepter, Madame (or Monsieur), mes salutations distinguées.” Avoid the “yours sincerely”, “yours faithfully”, etc. Always commence the letter Madame or Monsieur – never with the word “dear”.
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